I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Enjoy the penises
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
