Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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