clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
