Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This is my gift to your gina
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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