I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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