Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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