If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
