From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
