My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
