he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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