I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
