he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
