Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
