You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
they're like a gay fantastic four
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
