Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
