Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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