I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
