i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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