JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
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First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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