Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
