I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
