I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
