chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
