So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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