We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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