My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
