Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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