You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
