i can't believe i had my finger in that
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
