I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize