i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
