My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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