My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
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Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
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I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?