im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
