sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night