hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
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Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
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If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.