I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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