Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
