When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
