it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
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So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
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I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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