it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My life is pants optional.
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