He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
