Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
