I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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