I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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