Kiss
Puke
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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