don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
thus making me awesome and them whores
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
