My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
