someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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