not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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