I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
dude. I can hear the air.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
