I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a bag of teeth...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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