At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize