me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
