it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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