Plan B is the new Plan A
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
why do cheetos always look like penises
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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