I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I got inside last night via doggy door
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize