i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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