Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
