i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
