he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
