would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
