so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
